Growing up, the love story was painted to be a fairytale with only the good endings, even Disney failed to warn us that breakups could be so fatal.
Feeling worthless, crying yourself to sleep, listening to sad songs which only intesifies the pain you feel, a million unanswered questions, the utmost feeling for you to disappear, depriving yourself of food, these and more we have experienced at one point in our lifes.
There is nothing more terrible than an expectation being cut short, nothing ever comes close. More especially a future you planned with someone, breaking down in the ocean when your sight is already at shore.
When we enter into a relationship, the first instinct of a man or a woman is to date till they get married. This goal isn’t far fetched as most of the time it ends beautifully, while in other cases we meet the sons of Pharaoh and daughters of Jezebel.
Unfortunately, the desire to be respected, safe and loved puts our affection into the wrong hands, then our hearts are crushed into bits, as cassava is to the mortar and pestle.
Some of our lovers are so ruthless, the devil doesn’t come close, but most times we too may be at fault.
Another angle can be a misunderstanding, we are so impatient, proud and too strict to absorb little mistakes. All this can lead to a breakup, which we may regret later, unfortunately, your partner has moved on with someone else before you blinked twice.
When these happens, it feels like the air we breathe has been taken away from us, it becomes difficult to move by cause we obviously built our walls amongst them.
Some of us are “indaboskis” at dealing with breakups, we tend to move on, almost immediately and pretend like it never happened but for the others it’s not so easy as it momentarily kills us.
It sometimes feels like we’ve lost a part of us with them and we’d never experience love like that.
We swear never to give love a chance anymore and these acts makes one become a heartbreaker itself, but this is not the right approach for dealing with breakups.
I’ll be giving you tips on how to handle post-split stress, trust me it works!.
1 ACCEPT THE SITUATION:
This process is crucial for dealing with breakups.
When people breakup they experience a myriad of emotions ranging from what they did wrong, to anger, to sadness and maybe sometimes in the extreme depression.
Most times they cant decipher what they feel cause they’re mostly left in confusion and they’re unable to process anything at the moment.
They tend to leave in denial of what the real situation is, they make up excuses for their partners and console their self with the thought of everything being a joke and making up scenarios in their head where they come back together, their suppose partner will change their mind and would come back.
When you keeping hoping they come back, you’re giving yourself no space to heal, cause youre still hoping that your ex from the past will come back to you.
The first step to healing from a breakup is accepting that it has happened. When you accept that it is what it is then you’ve opened your heart to heal.
2 LET YOUR EMOTIONS FLOW:
When people breakup they tend to keep their emotions pent up and brood inside their minds. My dear if it’s possible cry, cry and cry and cry!! Let everything all out.
Cry like a small baby that was deprived of sweet. Dont mind people that say big man/girl dont cry, lock yourself in your room and cry your heart and grief out.
When you hold it all in it could get overwhelming and you may breakdown when you least expect it or in an inappropriate place. So its bettee you get it over with and cry it out once and for all.
3 DON’T STALK YOUR EX, DISCONNECT FROM THEM:
This is also very vital for dealing with breakups.
I find it quite amusing that people degrade themselves to the point of stalking their ex, you spend most of your time stalking their social media accounts, checking who they’re with now, what they’re doing atm, if they seem happy and what not.
Doing this only aggravates your situation and makes it harder for you to move on, when checking on them occasionally, it gives you a mental illusion that you’re somewhat close to them even when youre not there physically.
it won’t help your situation and only make you look retarded or like a freak.
If you have the urge to, don’t do it, you would only feel worse and locked up in the past, worst of all, alone.
4. TALK IT OUT/ WRITE IT OUT:
This also helps. I have come to discover that talking about issues can make you feel better and stronger, especially if you engage with the right people.
Evaluate yourself on what went wrong, accept your flaws and begin the journey of becoming a better person.
This will ease your mind and keep you sane and relaxed.
5. DON’T LIVE LIKE YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO PROVE:
Yes! I added this. Alot of us are guilty of this. We want to make them feel jealous, we are so desperate to prove we can live without them.
Quickly jumping into a new relationship, going on a party spree, #SingleandHappy, #NogirlfriendNoproblem and the rest of those ridiculous captions.
The question is, does it really matter?. You only end up in a static position and not moving forward, you have become a shadow of yourself and almost unlovable.
Hydrate and Breathe! It’s not a competition, you need to be really happy and not act happy!.
5. REMIND YOURSELF OF ALL THE GREAT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE:
This is also critical for dealing with breakup.
“It’s so easy to see the loss as everything, and then it starts overwhelming the good in all of your life,”Dr Meyers.
Painful breakups can cloud your thinking so that it’s almost impossible to look beyond the immediate feelings of pain and loss. You may have trouble remembering all the things you appreciate because you’re so focused on the negative.
Practicing gratitude can help to even out your moods and get you get back into a more positive headspace. Studies have shown that listing things you’re thankful for can boost your well-being and brighten your outlook on life.
6. DO THE THINGS YOU LOVE:
Have you tried this? It could help you a lot.
Your mind will surely drift away when you focus on whatever you love, I am certain about that.
It is quite difficult to find your focus again, but not towards whatever you love doing.
Find that one exercise that keeps you happy then pour your energy into it. Thank me later!
7. BE KIND
This is quite rare for people suffering post-split stress.
Some of them tend to be harsh and also violent, but that won’t help.
Performing acts of kindness towards others has been shown to improve well-being and help relieve depression.
Giving back can be a powerful way to rechannel the love.
8. UTILIZE THE PAIN:
When people split they’re mostly dysfunctional for the time being, but this is the time for you to rechanel your energy to something profiting.
Use the pain you feel to set goals and use it to your advantage.
Getting your endorphins pumping through cardio exercise, smash that weightloss goal.
Going for a run or hitting the elliptical can lower your stress levels, improve cognitive functioning and boost your mood, in addition to providing a healthy distraction from your worries.
Even if exercising is the last thing you want to do, the act of simply getting out of your head and focusing your awareness on your body can be helpful.
Restrategize, refocus, replan, let the pain be like a food to your soul. Great ideas are born out of inappropriate circumstances.
Read a new book, atttend educational seminars and workshops, set out new goals and be sure to smash them.
It’s time to go out and conquer your fears one at a time.