On this episode of wakamentary, If u dey chop anything wey get pepper inside or u dey drink coke try make u finish am before you read dis article, E GET WHY!
Yes, permit me to speak anyhow I like, I am not preparing for an examination, I am actually reminiscing one of the most adventurous days of my life, in the most relatable way and at the same time expressing myself.
Owerri is a beautiful city, the only city in Nigeria with more hotels than churches, (the devil must be proud of them), one of the busiest cities states in Nigeria too.
The fact that the city is detribalised with different ethnic groups going about their daily routine especially in Douglas Market, is worthy of note.
Just like Lagos, Owerri is also filled with Ajebutters and beautiful ladies oh, I can’t forget the day I took a stroll to Ikenegbu for sight seeing, the kind of ladies I saw there ehn, it looked like it was that environment God created all His priceless works of art.
Although the city looks so welcoming, there are funny sculptures and experiences that got my attention (sorry, i can’t share all on this episode of wakamentary), like that hand sculpture at Akachi road.
Lmao! that hand looks like what is holding the destiny of 40% of youths in that state, because I see no reason why a grown up man will sell his father’s land, use the proceeds to carry prostitutes and eat nkwobi.
Aside that sculpture, there are loads of irrelevant constructions in Owerri, like the overhead bridge at Wethdral. The amount of round abouts in Owerri ehn! How will your destiny locate you in that state?
No drainage system in the whole of Owerri, it is always terrible when it rains, Red sea no reach dey learn work oh! I heard a ghost slapped the former governor, maybe water carry the body reach government house.
People feel Lagosians are the craziest set of humans, I stand to disprove that narrative, only 8 people are normal in Lagos, nobody dey normal for Owerri oh! Have you been to Douglas market?
I am certain God is practically shedding tears for that city, no wonder it even rains in the 25th of December.
I know Lagosians will want to disproof my statement, chill, let me share my story on this episode of wakamentary.
So, I just got admission to Federal University of Owerri, I was so happy, “I don commot for my papa house, I go use Lagos sense for this omo-nna people, I go dey obtain dem dey collect their money.” This was my narrative of people who didn’t reside in Lagos, little did I know it was the devil using my brain to soak ijebu garri.
My narrative on my fifth day after I resumed school. I was residing with my aunt in Wethdral.
On that faithful day, I was so happy to get to school, I needed to be out of the house by 6a.m, atleast so I can get to the school early and be part of the first set of people to kick of registration.
That morning, after putting on my pants I looked at the mirror and began to admirer myself and prophecy good things into my life for about 10mins.
As I left, my ex girlfriend called me and we began to walk that Wethdral road as we conversed, I was fearless, if them no fit obtain me for Lagos, na for Owerri dem go come achieve my belongings?
I walked for a while before i boarded a keke which was going to Douglas Market where I would find busses going to my school.
I was using the latest phone then, BlackBerry Curve 6. I and my ex began texting ourselves on 2go as the keke struggled through the bad road, it took us a while till we got to Douglas.
I wasn’t bothered I was enjoying the chat, the keke driver warned me saying ‘Boy keep your phone oh, na dangerous zone we dey go’, but the devil kept giving me liver to say, ‘I be Street, dem no fit run me street, na we be d main road.’
Finally we got to Douglas market, as I alighted the keke, still chatting with my ex, the next event that occurred can never be wiped off my memory for eternity.
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Ha! Why me Lord, this kind early morning!
I was so engrossed with my phone, I couldn’t read the signs, but it dawned on me when I heard “Senior, show na, I know sey u b better person, come make we yarn.” An unknown figure began to approach me, as a Lagosian, I compose myself, tah! dem no reach.
I kept moving, I saw another guy, he beckoned “Senior, no b u dem dey call.”
The fact that this guys were approaching me with that “Senior” slang was quite crazy, I was also eager to show this guys I was from Lagos. I stopped and watched as they approached me, two people became six, but I still maintained.
I asked them, “wetin happen”, they replied “shey na u be Emeka wey dey terrorise our area.” I was confused, as I tried to make them understand it was a misplaced identity, the slap I chop was awesome, “come on jazz down, come on die’t”
Na here i para, I tear d guy slap back, d guy brought out knife, for Lagos boy like me?, na wetin we dey chop on normal. I combated with him, took d knife den I said, “ahoi weeda u” ah! ayele oh! Everywhere quiet for like 10seconds then I felt something cold on my head, then I heard a cock.
Goosebumps everywhere! It was a very chilled metal, felt like death. This incident made me understand the power of reflex action.
“WHO GOES YOU?,” they asked, without my permission, My hands swung into the air, my brain began to betray my Lagos traits of ‘agberoism,’ I began envision my parents pricing my coffin.
In my head, they were already celebrating my burial, one of my friend even collected 3 plates of rice. I saw my dad weeping and everyone blaming it on cultism.
I have never been so scared, I even noticed drops off water falling from the tap in between my legs, all I could say was “Oga abeg, I just come Owerri new,” “I dey year one for futo, I just get admission.”
The guy i fought with was so mad, “but na u dey cap for here since, baba fire dis senior make e jazz down” “aro mate,” ah! mogbe oh! I began to plead the blood of Jesus, I couldn’t hold the urine anymore, I cried and pleaded with catarrh running through my nose. All this was happening and people were just walking past us oh.
The one that looked like the leader had mercy on me, asked me for my brand new blackberry curve 6, collected the N22,000 I was supposed to use for clearance and left.
Till today, I am still in awe! It was a horrible experience at Douglas Market, I know alot of Imolites may have experienced one or two ruggedity at Douglas Market, the center for crime in Owerri.
Morale lesson: Fear who no fear Douglas!
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