So I was contemplating on what experience I should talk about on these episode of wakamentary, my head was filled with so many ideas from different cities are closed Nigeria.
No caps, “man don really waka”, I think the Governor of Imo state should make a statue to honor my feet because, “Uku’m agala mba n’ile”.
I was confused on the what I should be no writing then I had a dejavu, a flashback to ‘a day I won’t forget.’
Well, the story on this episode of wakamentary is built around Lagos, this is due to the fact I lived most of my life there, before getting admission to the tertiary institution where I became an ‘importer and exporter’, then ‘Ijele the traveler’, lol! most students can relate.
So me years ago I had these friend, his name is Daniel, he was short, dark in complexion and quite muscular. We were in depth scholars of the Bible and also the pride of our church.
Yeah, you would be proud if your teenagers could win competitions against older and much experienced scholars. That was me and Daniel, represented our branch at competitions, bible retreats and seminars as teenagers against an audience of elders.
On this faithful Saturday, we were assigned to visit a branch at Ikotun for a seminar, with enough transportation and even extra to get us whatever we wanted. I and my friend, Daniel headed for our assignment.
After the meeting on our way home, I don’t know if it was the devil initiating ideas to Daniel, he said; “guy make we go Uncle Mighty house make we see whether he go find us something”.
Well, this Uncle Mighty was well to do, very rich, he always does giveaway anytime he comes to church (probably because he was not married yet).
Any day this uncle comes to church, I must fresh. I loved hanging around him because, he always sends me on errands and forgets the change, most especially when he gives me N1,000 to get him bottle water that costs N100 (dat time wey money get small value) choi! with total submission to my senior, I will move.
My favorite line was “Uncle they don’t have change”, then I will hide till service closes so I would die his change. This was my favorite sin, I committed it with joy and so much passion for iniquity. lmao!
Reminiscing on the benefits, I obliged, I didn’t know it was village people watching replay with my brain. The only question I managed to asked was; “you sure sey him go dey house?”, Daniel quickly replied; “E sure me die, e no dey go anywhere on saturdays”, like say na him carry Uncle Mighty for 9 months.
The only thing we knew about his address was “Aladura Gate” which was located in Anthony Village, in the environs of Oshodi/Gbagada expressway.
With so much excitement and the Lagosian syndrome we set out on the journey of stupidity, our motto was; “we no fit lose for Lagos”. That is how I followed Daniel like mumu as we started searching for bus going towards Oshodi bus.
Getting to Toyota bus stop, we didn’t know what bus to enter, we started asking people for directions, this is where the calamity started.
The first person we met advised us to board a bike to Oshodi which we did, but Oshodi wasn’t even close to our destination, we got even more confused till we saw one agbero and decided to ask.
“Where una dey go?”, Daniel narrated to him, the agbero advised us to trek, “e no too far, una fit trek am, just dey go straight, una go see bridge, ask dem for there”. Fear Lagosians oh, especially ones you hear, “e no too far like dat’, run for your life, E get why oh!.
Me and Daniel began to trek aimlessly, the bridge looked like it was running away from us, but I wasn’t worried, I was focused on the price like a Christian waiting for rapture.
We kept trekking until Daniel got frustrated and advised we boarded a bike, meanwhile our transport fair was remaining only N2,500 out of the N5,000 given to us.
We stopped this hausa bikeman, “We dey go Aladura gate for Anthony village, you know there?”, the aboki man replied; “No b Aladura gate?, ahn ahn, I know am na, enter”, in excitement we hopped on.
E don reach almost 1hour, aboki come dey ask us, “where una dey go, we don pass plenty Aladura gate oh”, Blood Of Jesus! I screamed, like how, the aboki replied, “no be that Cele church for inside Oshodi una dey go?” that was when I understood why Jesus wept.
We managed to pay the bikeman his ride fair of N1,000 to avoid embarrassment, I was almost weeping and cursing Daniel, luckily we saw another bike who took us to Aladura gate for another N1,000.
On getting to the destination, it felt like we arrived Heaven. “Who are you looking for, you cannot enter inside, this is an estate,” the security officials asked us with a look in their eyes like we were beggars. Daniel explained to them, but they insisted that we called uncle Mighty explaining that no one like that lived in that estate.
My heart sunk into my anus, I couldn’t swallow saliva anymore, it was a sunny day, but I was feeling so cold and like I wanted to purge, Daniel kept arguing with the security as I gradually went to sit close to a gutter.
The security man kept insisting we called, chai! we didn’t even have his number, that was when it dawned on us, I could feel my stupidity on my taste bud, it tasted like palm oil and salt.
Worst of all, we couldn’t go back home, out transport will only lead us to Oshodi, which is miles away from Ajegunle.
“Chai, naso our own take go?”, Daniel said with his eyes red as he struggled to hold back his tears. We sat there for 20 minutes, then we resorted to trekking back home with the remaining N500.
I was so disappointed and heartbroken, then I saw a car at the other street, it looked like uncle Mighty’s Range Rover sports, in excitement i pointed to Daniel who joined as we raced to the other street, luckily there was more security at the street.
“Na d house be dis“, with courage we banged on the gate like they stole our kidney, till the gateman came out. “We dey find Uncle Mighty“,
Gateman; “ah! he don travel since yesterday na, una no call am?”. Haba! shey d suffer no too much like dis?
It was like the ground should open up and swallow me, Daniel pulled his shoe and shirt, it was too heavy for him, premium tears in the land, “make we rest before we go back house” it was past 6pm and our parents were calling.
Heaven smiled on us after some minutes, we hard a horn, “Daniel what are you people doing here?”, it was uncle Emenike, Mighty’s younger brother.
Finally, we got into the house, first thing I did was to poo oh, I needed to let out all those emotions inside the toilet.
We couldn’t go home that day, I had a really delicious meal with chilled malt to step it down.
Shishi we no make as brother Emenike took is to church the next day but, I thank God am alive to share the story on this episode of wakamentary.
It may be funny to you, but it was really ‘A day I won’t forget’.
Please, If you loved this episode of wakamentary, kindly like, comment your experiences and share too.